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Life Without Regrets May 3, 2007

Posted by Me in Personal, Ramblings.

There is no such thing as a life without any regrets. However, regrets can become either burdens that interfere with your present happiness and restrict your future, or motivation to move on. It doesn’t even have to be a big thing.. it can be insignificant little things that will make you wonder and ask what if?

Today I found out that the guy I dated on-and-off for two years has gotten some girl pregnant. We grew apart and stopped talking like we used to and he drops this bomb on me, asking for advise. What the fuck? Don’t get me wrong here.. I’m NOT in love with him or whatever but I was just really thrown off. This guy has stopped communicating with me and now here he comes asking for my advise on the matter.. saying things like i don’t want to get married but i want my kid or some shit like that.

What really bothers me is that I miss him. I miss the friendship. I miss movie nights. I miss the gigs we used to go to. But then I remember why I got hurt in the first place… he didn’t value me as much as I valued him. So at that time, I moved on.. I deleted him from my life and went on to nourish other friendships. And now he’s back.. fucked up as ever. Truthfully, I am sad for him. But I can’t be who I was before.. I don’t think I’m the same person I was because I’ve changed and so did he. I can’t be his meantime girl and he can’t be my meantime boy.

Oh well. That’s how the cookie crumbles I guess. We used to talk all the time.. we’d spend evenings talking endlessly on the phone, in the car, at a restaurant.. just talking about whatever. But we never really talked. And I guess that’s my biggest regret. We hung out and talked.. but looking back, it all seemed superficial. He’d say i miss you but then it really didn’t mean anything. Or maybe I brushed it off as that.

There’s no point in thinking about what it really was back then.. the point is that it is in the past. Whatever it is that needed to be said and done.. well, there’s no point in dwelling in it because when you want to say or do something you have to do it right then and there otherwise.. the moment will just pass you by. That’s regret.

I think from this moment on… I am making a resolution to myself to just do it. I wouldn’t want to live my life full of regrets.. things I didn’t say or stuff I didn’t do. I remember what my friend said to me a few years back… “nothing will ever happen to you if you just keep on waiting for things to happen. You have to make things happen. Only you can make your life exciting.” I suppose she’s right. Hmmm…
Carpe Diem.



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